They are 2!

Hello everyone!

Today is an extremely special day, the TRIPLETS ARE TWO !!Happy Birthday boys.

The following paragraphs might be sensitive to someone.. if you do not wish to go ahead and read is okay. Have a wonderful weekend.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Today also takes me back to what transpired that day and the anxiety I felt. Leading up to this day I had been on the hospital a couple of days. Waking up before breakfast to take a shower, get an ultrasound and an NST. My body hurt a lot 95% of the time… it felt like giving birth… I couldn’t eat properly, I couldn’t sleep and I was scared that one, two or all of the babies would pass away. That they wouldn’t find their heart beats.

The 24th started like every other day, things changed while I was getting the ultrasound… Dr. came in and said today is the day. I went back to my room and called my husband. I talked to everyone and told the kids I love them. At this moment I was freaking out because I remembered the risk of a c-section and mine were multiplied by 3. The nurse came in and she must have seen my face because she told me is okay and gave me a hug… at this point I broke down… she helped me calm down and get ready. Hubby got there and walked with me to the Pre OP room.. he got into his assistant suit (I don’t know what’s the exact name).. I got ready. Another nurse came in and told me it was time to get the epidural (freaking out again). We walked to the surgery room, this was the first time I was in one and I was shaking.. the epidural was extremely painful and not being able to feel anything from the waist down was scary. As they layed me out the room started to fill in quickly (I was the first surgery for a 1st year medical student. From beginning to end felt like forever. The triplets were tiny and I got to see them for 3 seconds each. Once the surgery was done I was cold. The nurse helped me warm up and took me to see the triplets but at this point only one was still upstairs because the other two needed CPAP masks. I touched him and I felt like a failure because I couldn’t be there for them. I couldn’t take care of them, feed them or just be there with them. I was wheeled on the gurney to my room. The epidural started wearing off and the pain started to kick in. I could move everything was too painful.

I slept a lot, cried a lot, and didn’t eat much. I felt horrible. I couldn’t be there for any of my 5 kids. I didn’t get to see the triplets in their isolettes until 1 a.m. the next day.

I’m grateful that they are in our life, I know they eventually came home. They are okay. However I was left with the trauma of the pregnancy, NICU and the early months of their life. I get anxiety when we go to the hospital they were born and were hospitalized, every time I hear an ambulance I tear up and whenever I know of a baby that was in the NICU I get all those memories back.

Parents remember that we are allowed to be happy about our kids while dealing with our anxiety and traumas. Remember we are all allowed to feel. Mental health is important, take care of you self so you can take caren of everyone you love!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s